


The fawn and the stag

by Startanewdream



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Family Feels, Father Figures, Fluff, Gen, Harry Potter is a Good Parent, Imaginary Friends, James Potter is a good parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 12:08:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30004674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Startanewdream/pseuds/Startanewdream
Summary: When six-years-old James Sirius has a crisis about never showing magic before, a familiar friend comes to help him.
Relationships: Harry Potter & James Sirius Potter, James Potter and James Sirius Potter
Comments: 18
Kudos: 37





	The fawn and the stag

**Author's Note:**

> For @prettyflores whose prompt was "Harry and/or James Sirius' first magic", and then it turned out in this family feels story.

The sounds of laughter and conversations were drowned away as James went around his house, leaving by the front gate; nobody noticed him. He was usually very good at avoiding being caught and even more so that day - all his parents' attention was on Al, little four-years-old Al who had just cast his first magic.

It was not a very impressive magic - Al was just upset because Lily didn’t stop crying and then he made some flowers levitate around her, distracting her. All grownups - Mom and Dad, Grandma Molly and Grandpa Arthur - had stopped to look and even  _ Teddy  _ seemed impressed with what he had seen. James didn’t think it was a big deal, but then everyone was applauding - Lily was giggling - and there was a light on Dad’s eyes that upset James more than anything.

His father had never looked at him like that.

Which was fair, because James had never shown any magic before.

He hadn’t been worried until then, but if his baby brother had performed magic, then so should James, right? He was  _ older _ . And smarter - at least, Mom always said he was too smart for his own good.

So James had an idea and he had left them. It wasn’t like he could talk to anyone who had been there, there was no one who would understand him; he would usually come to Teddy for his questions, but Teddy had been unquestionably a wizard since birth, with that changing appearance of his. And he knew that Mom had been exploding things ever since she was younger than Lily (Uncle George always told this story with tears of joy in his eyes) and Dad… well,  _ Dad was a hero _ . He didn’t know the full story because Mom told him he was still too young to understand, but he had seen Dad's Chocolate Frog Card and knew that his Dad had faced a Dark Wizard when he was just barely one-year-old.

It was only James that was lacking in the magic department in the family. Maybe there was something wrong with him.

‘There is  _ nothing  _ wrong with you’, he heard an amused voice say and he didn’t need to turn around to know his friend was there; James was already used to not noticing when he approached him, of not ever hearing his steps.

And James was already used too to how his friends sometimes seemed to read his mind.

‘I never did any magic’, James mumbled, annoyed, shame coming out of his voice at admitting it out loud.

‘Sure you did’.

‘How can you know?’, James asked. ‘No one ever saw me doing anything’.

His friend let out a small chuckle. When James turned to him, he was smiling gently.

‘Not every magic can be seen, Fawn’, he said.

James didn’t know what he meant by that, which was also normal. Sometimes his friend said things James couldn’t understand, like calling him Fawn, even though James had repeated a lot of times that his name was James.

‘ _Oh, I know’_ , his friend would say when James corrected him, and he sounded strangely sad about it, so James usually dropped the subject. He didn’t really mind being called Fawn.

It sounded affectionate, like something Mom or Dad would call him.

‘Where are you going?’, his friend asked, watching him with some concern as they got further away to James’ house.

‘The cliff’, James answered resolutely.

‘Hum’, his friend pressed his lips, his hand grabbing his own hair rather nervously. ‘That cliff where your dad told you not to go alone?’

James nodded. They would go down to the beach on weekends and there was a nice cliff where they could watch the sunset on a picnic sometimes. James had never thought much about it until a few weeks ago when he saw those teenagers jumping off the cliff in the sea beneath and that had seemed fun - and even more interesting when Dad had said it was too dangerous to jump like that and he shouldn’t do it.

But James never considered actually going there until now.

‘Fawn’, his friend sounded distressed now. ‘I know your expression very well. It speaks of  _ trouble _ . What are you thinking of doing?’

‘Uncle Neville once told me a story about how he discovered he was a wizard’, James explained without stopping walking. He was near his objective. ‘His great uncle let him fall off a window and he bounced to the ground’.

‘And now you are thinking of jumping off a cliff? This is a terrible idea’, his friend declared, though James thought he sounded just a little impressed. ‘Wandless magic doesn’t work like that - and magic comes for everyone at their own time, Fawn. Go back home’.

‘I can’t!’, James cried, feeling his eyes burning with tears. ‘They are all gushing over Al and… I am  _ older _ , I should have done magic already! What if - what if I  _ can’t  _ -’

‘Fawn’, his friend stopped in front of him, kneeling so their eyes could be at the same level. ‘I  _ promise  _ you are a wizard. But even if you weren’t, your parents would love you all the same -’

‘What do you know?’, James interrupted him, drying away the tears that insisted on dropping from his eyes, which only annoyed him more. Only Lily cried - and she could because she was a baby. ‘You don’t even exist!’

That made his friend blink, startled. James was breathing heavily; it seemed weird to accuse his friend of not existing, when James could see him clearly with that dark messy hair that reminded him of Dad and those hazel eyes that shined very brightly, a face so familiar that James thought he had known him since always; but James had heard Teddy talking about him.

_ Imaginary,  _ Teddy had called him.

And James had realized how Albus always got confused when James mentioned his friend, even though he had been by James’ side on occasions that Al  _ had  _ to have seen him ; even Mom and Dad, though they had never said anything about it, seemed amused when James mentioned his friend, sometimes accepting his presence only after James mentioned him, until James had finally accepted that his parents couldn’t see him at all.

A part of James had known what that meant, but he always ignored in favor of just accepting his company . He was the only one that James never shared with anyone; and he would play with James before Al grew up enough to join him, or when Teddy wasn’t near - and considering Teddy would be going to Hogwarts that year, James had wanted even more to keep the presence of a friend that never seemed to judge him; in fact, his friend seemed to approve most of the small misdeeds that James would do time from time.

He was always there when James needed him.

But now James had more pressing things to care about than the fact that his best friend was just on his own mind.

‘Let me go’, he asked, when his friend didn’t move. ‘I - I told you, you don’t exist. Go away!’

James knew how that worked. Sometimes when he was afraid of something under his bed or in his closet, his dad would come and show him that there was nothing there.

‘ _And let me tell you a secret, James_ ’, his dad would say with a warm smile that calmed James more than anything in the world. ‘ _You are much more powerful than any fear. So you close your eyes and think very firmly “go away!”. When you open your eyes, there will be nothing there’._

But now it was not working with his friend, who was just staring at him with faint worry in his eyes. James supposed it only worked for things he was afraid of and, truth be told, his friend gave him the opposite of fear.

‘You always tells me to not give up’, James said then, sniffling. ‘Why are you not letting me go?’

‘Because it’s a silly idea, Fawn. Magic can show itself in moments of need, but not always. I don’t want you to be hurt’.

‘See? You don’t think I can do it’.

‘I think you are a kid who can’t control your own magic yet. Like… Teddy once was. He can change his hair, right?’ James nodded, thoughtful. ‘But he needed a lot of practice to learn. Like you will when you go to Hogwarts’.

‘I don’t know - what if I never get a letter - if I am not a Gryffindor like Mom and Dad -’

‘Fawn, I am telling you, your parents love you the way you are’. And when James opened his mouth, his friend touched the point of James’ nose. ‘I know what I’m talking about, I am a parent too’.

That made James pause. His friend never talked much about himself.

‘You are?’

‘Yes. And you know what? _Every day_ I am proud of my son’.

‘You have a son? Do I know him?’

There was a smile on his friend’s face, one that suddenly reminded James of his own dad when he was talking to Teddy about Teddy’s father or when James had asked him where his dad’s parents were.

It was… wistful.

It made James feel sad for some reasons he couldn’t understand.

‘You do’, his friend said. ‘And he was older than you when made his first magic’.

‘Older?’

‘Yeah, he was seven. He didn’t know what he was doing, he didn’t know that he was a… anyway, he was going to the school and his… his aunt gave him a terrible haircut, really awful. And he made his hair grow back at night. He was sleeping when it just happened. His first magic’.

His friend sighed then; a heavy silence that reminded James of his parents when they were thinking about  _ the war,  _ of things that were lost and could never come back .

‘Did you think he wasn’t a wizard?’, James asked in a small voice. ‘Before?’

‘I never really thought about it’, he answered, and James could only hear the honesty in his voice.

‘Would you be upset if he wasn’t?’

‘I would be worried’, his friend said, again sighing. ‘But not because of what anyone would think, just because I knew his road ahead was difficult and it would be worse without magic. But never  _ upset _ . The things he did that most made me happy and proud had nothing to do with his magic’.

James walked again, this time to sit on one of the benches in the small park they were. His friend sat next to him, his arms protectively around James’ shoulder.

‘What things?’, he asked curiously.

‘Well - lots of things. Once he went to face a very dangerous wizard and he did it because he knew he was the only one that could do it, even though he was just eleven. And, no, he didn’t cast a single spell for it. It was just him and his love that saved him’.

‘Love is the most powerful magic’, James recited. His dad always told him that.

His friend smiled.

‘Yes, but it’s not a  _ wizarding  _ magic, Fawn, Muggles love just as fiercely’, he said, and then he looked away at something James could not see. ‘I was proud of my son whenever he stood up to defend his friends. When he did the right thing no matter what. But I think the day I was the happiest was when he gave me my first grandson’.

‘ _ You  _ have a grandson?’, James asked, surprised. His friend looked even younger than his father, not all old like James’ grandparents or Teddy’s grandmother.

‘I look good for my age’, his friend assured him playfully, once more knowing exactly what was on James’ mind. ‘And I don’t have only one grandchild, but three. I love them all, but the first… was the first’. He threw James a furtive look. ‘He got named after me, so I may be a little biased. Don’t tell anyone’.

There was a mischief look on his face now, one that James recognized in the mirror every time he saw himself doing something he shouldn’t be doing.

He felt a sudden wave of warmth for his friend.

‘I am sorry I said you don’t exist’, he said sincerely. ‘I know you are real, even if no one else sees you’. James cocked his head to the side, a thought coming to him. ‘Why doesn't anyone else see you?’

‘You are thinking of the wrong question’, he answered cryptically. James tried to think what could be the right question, but nothing came to him. ‘And they may not see me, but your parents know me’.

‘They do?’

‘Oh, yeah. We’ve met before. I loved your father even before he was born. And your mother and I had a nice chat right before  _ you  _ were born, you know?’

‘That was  _ ages  _ ago’.

‘Six years mean nothing to me. Time flies by when…’

But his friend shook his head, not finishing his phrase. He looked away, past James, in the direction of his house.

‘Your parents are looking for you; they are rather worried’, he said, as if he could hear them calling, even though James thought it was too far. ‘Did you give up on your idea then?’

‘Yeah’. James shrugged, trying to pretend it was nothing much, though he knew his friend wouldn’t be deceived. He always seemed to know when James was lying. ‘It wouldn’t even be  _ new _ . I would want my first magic to be far more exciting. Like Mom’s’.

His friend gave him a fond look.

‘I told you, Fawn, not every magic is a firework. Some are just as simple and quiet as crossing the barriers of life and allowing a grandparent a time with his grandson’.

James didn’t understand what he meant by that. But he thought that his friend was very nice and that he wished he had all the time in the world with the grandchildren he mentioned he had.

‘Your dad will find you soon’, his friend told him. ‘I think I will go - will you be okay?’

James nodded.

‘Tell him what’s bothering you. Your dad will always listen to you’, his friend said. ‘And Fawn… even if we don’t see each other, you know I will always be here when you need me, don't you?’

James smiled.

‘Thanks… what do I call you? I never knew’.

His friend gave James a lopsided grin that James had to share.

‘What do you want to call me?’

‘I don’t know’, James answered truthfully. It would be weird to call him Mister when James already thought of him too much as his friend and he didn’t look like one of his uncles. ‘What do your grandchildren call you?’

There was the most curious look on his friend’s face. James had never seen him so sad, almost crying.

‘I’d expect Grandpa’, he whispered.

‘Well, I could call you Grandpa then’, James said. He called Teddy’s grandmother as Grandma sometimes too; she didn’t seem to mind.

‘Yes, you could, James’, he said very softly, looking happy and melancholic at the same side, and James realized it was the first time he called him something other than Fawn.

He was going to note it when he heard someone calling him in the distance. He turned in time to see Dad coming in his direction, running, and James got up. When he looked back at the bench, there wasn’t anyone there anymore.

This was usual too. His friend would come and go without James ever noticing it.

‘James!’, his dad called him once more, and then he was giving James one of those bear-hugs that Dad always reserved for when he came home after a long mission for work. ‘I was so worried!’

‘You were?’, James asked, surprised, because he really thought no one would notice him gone.

‘Of course I was! Don’t ever disappear on us again, please!’

‘I am sorry’, James mumbled guiltily. ‘I just thought - you were so excited because of Al, I didn’t think -’

‘Oh, James’. Dad broke away a little to look at him. ‘Is that why you left?’

James bit his lips, not wanting to answer. Dad kneeled in front of him and James had a vision of his friend doing the same before; for the first time, he realized they actually look a lot like each other, though his friend didn’t use glasses and didn’t have any scar on his forehead.

‘James?’, his dad asked softly. James took a deep breath.

‘I was afraid of not being a wizard’, he whispered. ‘I never did what Al did’.

‘That was accidental wandless magic, James’, his father explained patiently, messing with James’ hair fondly. ‘It’s not controllable’.

‘But you looked so…  _ proud  _ of him and I wanted you to be proud of me too’.

‘I  _ am  _ proud of you’, his father assured him. ‘Al’s magic just reminded me of something I saw a long time ago. And you are my little mastermind genius, aren’t you? Or you think I don’t know who put those Canary Creams on your cousins’ cake last week?’

James grinned without controlling, not at all ashamed. It had been fun watching them all turn into little canaries and it was temporary, Uncle George had explained to him.

‘You are different from Al, just I am sure Lily will be different from both of you. And I love you all the same’.

‘Even if I happen not to be a wizard?’, James asked, the smile dying from his face as he stared intently at his father. His friend had assured him, but James needed to hear his dad saying it.

‘Even then’, his dad said and James looked in his eyes for any sign that he wasn’t speaking the truth, but there was none. He breathed easily, a huge weight coming out from his shoulders, and his father looked at him as if wondering if he should say something more. ‘I know you haven't shown anything yet, but... Strange things always happened around you, did you know?’

James shook his head. He never noticed anything.

‘I mean, even stranger for wizarding standards. Once we let you alone for five seconds, thinking you were safe inside your crib. It was magically protected to avoid any way of you getting out - only physical force would open. But you managed to open and then we found you coming in our direction, walking as if… as if someone was guiding you. We never understood what happened exactly’.

‘What do you think it was?’, James asked.

‘Maybe you have a guardian angel’, Dad answered, but James thought he was just joking.

‘Maybe it was Grandpa’, he said, shrugging. James didn’t remember since when he saw him, but he supposed he was there by his side ever since he was just a toddler.

‘Grandpa? No, Arthur wasn’t -’

‘No, Grandpa is… Never mind’. 

James shook his head, giving up. His dad couldn’t see his friend anyway.

‘Okay… Well, what I meant, James, is that you have nothing to worry about. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever shown any magic until I was about seven. There is no age exactly’.

‘So it’s normal? I mean -’

‘Perfectly normal’. His dad raised, offering him his hand. ‘Let’s go back home? Your mother is worried too’.

‘I didn’t mean to upset you’.

‘I know. But next time you have any problem, you come to us, okay? We will always be here for you’.

James smiled more openly now.

‘What were you doing alone out here?’

‘I wasn’t  _ alone _ ’, James answered, rolling his eyes because he knew his father wouldn’t understand this. ‘I just was… thinking’.

His dad threw him a look that told James he wasn’t falling for what James said, but he didn't insist. That look reminded James of his friend back ago; maybe it was a look that came with being a dad.

In any case, James considered that it was better for his dad to wonder than knowing for sure about that cliff-jumping idea.

‘What was it, Dad?’, he asked instead, to distract him. ‘Your first magic?’

‘Oh’, there was a faintly amused look on his face as if he thought the idea was laughable. ‘Something silly, I made my hair grow overnight… James?’

He’d noticed James had stopped walking and was looking at his father with a funny expression.

‘Was it because of a terrible haircut?’, he asked. His dad nodded slowly.

‘Yeah, how did you -’

‘Lucky guess’, James answered, walking again, biting his lips, his mind considering the possibilities. If what he was thinking was right… Mom had explained to him about ghosts and once Aunt Luna had said in that dreamy voice of her that people never really left their loved ones... ‘Dad, you are proud of me?’

‘Yes, like I told you’.

‘I think… I think your dad is proud of you too’.

Harry stopped at the front gate to look at James. There was that wistful smile on his face and James thought he could understand a little; he wanted his dad near him all the time and he couldn’t imagine growing up without him like it had happened with his dad.

‘It’s what I hope every day’, he whispered, then he sighed. ‘Now, go run to your mother, she is was concerned for you. If you ask nicely, I think she may even take you to a flight’.

James beamed and he ran to the backyard, allowing his mom to hug him; she was a little mad he’d been missing, but he could tell she was much happier he’d come back. Even Al and Lily seemed delighted he was back and James allowed himself to be a little pampered.

He looked over his mom’s shoulder to see his dad walking calmly towards them, and, for a brief second, James thought there was someone next to him, someone who had an uncanny resemblance to his dad, grinning at the scene. Then he blinked and, when he looked back, there was nothing there but his father, a smile on his face that James knew all too well.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed it, please let me a comment with your thoughts!
> 
> Also, this story is in the same "Dreamverse" as 'A Figment of Your Imagination' and 'Chasing Dreams' (this is one is referred), so give them a try if you enjoyed this little piece! :)


End file.
